Gone forever
by Rosie eisoR
Summary: Alanna loses everything. Please be aware this fic includes suicide. One-shot, Jon and Alanna, and George and Alanna.


Alanna looked down from the cliff. It was such a long way down, a nausea-inducing view. Why did no one leap to pull her back?

She knew why.

_"Alanna! Alanna, come here!"_

_She grinned, obeying her King's command. "Something the matter?"_

_Jon scowled at his Champion. "Yes, in fact." He brandished his sword. The sight made her smile increase. The magnificent blade had 'I'm stupid' carved onto it in purple italics._

_"Jon, I never knew how depressed you were. Or how truthful."_

_He glowered, sheathing the sword with an impatient gesture. "I thought you had grown out of this."_

_"No, it's still too big for me," she said with a smirk, indicating the sword._

_"Ha ha. Now get rid of it." Deliberately misinterpreting his words, she placed a spell on the sword, transporting it to a nearby room. Hands on hips, he faced her; she offered him a wide smile, full of all the innocence she could muster, before shivering involuntarily. It was early morning, in the winter season. Clad only in a thin nightshirt, she was freezing. King pulled Champion into a warm hug. She tightened it appreciatively. With her hair billowing in the fresh wind, she laughed, breath turning steamy in the air of winter._

_"When you've warmed up, we'll talk about getting my sword back."_

_She turned her face up to listen, and then to speak. "Of course. I know how attached you are to your... sword."_

_He peered down into her glee-filled face, suspicious. "My weapon's not the only thing that's gone, is it?"_

_She looked into his face, innocence written into her expression, lips slightly parted. There was a mutual spring, and her lips touched his in the sweetest kiss ever._

_He released her, slightly reluctant. "Well."_

_"What a surprise," Alanna said, in unison with someone else. Both knights spun to face George._

_"I should have seen that comin'." He shook his head with disappointment and began to walk away._

_"George, no!" Alanna pleaded. The Baron kept walking. She left Jon to follow her husband. "George, please don't-"_

_"Please don't what, Alanna? Please don't get angry? Please don't shout? Please don't tell anyone about the affair you're having with the King?"_

_"Please don't walk away from me," she whispered._

_"Funny. My 'please don't' would have been 'please don't cheat on me.'"_

_She let him disappear after that comment, sensing she wouldn't get through to him. Her life had been torn apart with one brushing of skin._

Alanna sighed, fingering the wide silver band she still wore. She pulled her incandescently bright hair back with a thong. A couple of strands broke free, blown upwards by the strong wind. She had never been worthy of George. Liam had died because of her, George had been ruined, and Jon had… Alanna swallowed the incredibly painful lump in her throat. Jon had lost everything. Thayet, his children, George, Alanna's children, his respect…

_"George, please listen!" She slipped in front of him, expression filled with determination. _

_He crossed his arms. "I'm listenin'."_

_"It meant nothing."_

_"Maybe not, but ye still did it. I'm not goin' t'compete. Not with him. Not again." He slid past her and grabbed a halter. She gripped his arm. "Alanna, let me go." _

_Unwillingly, she unclasped her fingers, watching him. When he mounted Swiftfoot, she caught his hand again._

_"Don't be long." She watched him ride out of the stables, and vanish into the distance. And she knew that would be the last she saw of him._

Alanna shook slightly, wind whipping round her brutally. She deserved the cold. She deserved to die. To rot, Alianne had told her. Alianne had stayed; the others had gone. Just faded out of her life like their presence had never touched it. George hadn't been seen since his departure. She hadn't expected news of him; as an ex-King of Thieves, and a King's spymaster, George was especially good at disappearing without a trace.

Of course, Jon had gone the same way. No King could rule with that amount of gossip against him. Thayet was the sole ruler of Tortall. She missed them both. She missed her old life. The one she had belonged in.

Wryness overtook her features. Headstrong to the bone, it was unusual for her to consider anything so deeply. Now, she was searching for a loophole, for an excuse. She didn't deserve one.

Dying by sword would have been too quick, faster than allowing jagged rocks to tear her body to pieces. She was scared, but she was entitled to just such an end.

The King's Champion, the Lioness, Sir Alanna, Baroness Alanna of Olau and Pirate's Swoop… who were these people? Where had they gone? Had Jon taken his Champion, the people their Lioness, Myles his heir, and George his wife? She belonged to so many, and had betrayed them all. None of these glorious titles, none of those character traits had helped her. Everything that had mattered to her had gone forever.

"Alanna, what are you doing? Get away from there!" Alianne's warning tone jolted Alanna out of her brooding state. Alianne now refused to call Alanna 'Ma'. Another reminder of the way she had torn their life apart.

Alanna turned to face Alianne, and her feet slipped. Her stomach leapt upwards as her body plummeted through the air.

Alianne's scream rippled through the deadly silence that had descended on the Swoop since the children had left, through the confusion that hung in Alanna's brain.

"Ma, _please_! I love you!"


End file.
